Saturday, March 24, 2012

My new Friend

So I have a new friend.  Well a passer by new friend. We pass by his house when we go walking and he sort of lives opposite us.

First time I met him I said 'Hi, I'm Rosie the Duchess of Macs and he said

"Bugger off I am hunting"

And I said
What do you like to hunt?
And he said
"Mice, rats and rabbits and foxes "

And I said

"Me too. Hows that?'

And then he said,  water buffalo, pythons , gazelles and razorbacks.

And I thought that was interesting

And  then he said "Shhhhh you will frighten the legless  wooden giraffes that I am stalking" Can you see them.? They are all over the street."

The legless grey wooden giraffe?


And that's when it occurred to me that there wasn't something quite right with Tiger Bobcat  as he was stalking light poles.

Later on down the beach I caught up with a few chums and it seems that Tiger Bobcat really thinks he is a tiger.

Seems that when he was kitten they were watching an African animal documentary, when the remote fell on his head and he has never been right since.

Another day we are walking passed and I yell "Hi Tiger Bob! What you hunting today?"

And there is Tiger bob under the car.
"Rosie! Shut up! You are wrecking my fierceness! AND if you cant see it  and it kills you, then you only have yourself to blame.  I spent all last night wrestling it and I have only half killed !"

You know what it was?

It is the Bouddi Chameleon, Grass snake.  Can grow up to 30 meters.  Not poisonous, however does spray fluid as its defence mechanism which is like battery acid to cats.

And then there were the great White bogan gorillas that had wandered out of the jungle
and had some sort of ritual up and down the beach all night but only do it once or twice a year.

Can you see where we are heading here?

It was easy for me.

On the way home he yells,
"Hey Duchess what did you catch today"

And I would yell
"A 20 meter man eating squid.  Me and Gin and Tonic ( the tenacious Jack Russells ) got it and then Rex came in and got its throat whilst Clarence slept.  But its all over the beach now and the birds are eating it.

Another time I he asked me about the whirring bid that flew over that  threatened life and limb at the lagoon.

I told him how me and Gin and Tonic swum out, wrestled it to the death and then dragged it up to the beach and then Gin and Tonic buried it for laters.

Now  based on the fearsome warriors that me and Gin and Tonic are , Tiger Bob decided that he should come down and and help us fight the monsters for the good of the neighbourhood, but he had to clear up one thing first.

"Hey Rosie, I heard you played with a poodle."

Will this ever leave me alone.?

Once I met a poodle called Candice. I was just out of the kennels and I had never seen anything like it.

So I yelled back across the road to Tiger Bob
"It wasn't a poodle it was a curly haired hornless rhinoceros that was threatening to gouge out all the cats as it liked to eat them on toast for breakfast. It takes ages for me and Gin and Tonic just to chase them off the beach. And they leave the beach because we tell them there are cats in the streets. And we have to swim in water to chase them.

So the next time me and mum were going down the beach I yelled
"Hey Tiger Bob are you coming hunting? I hear there is a white curly haired rhino down the beach."

And he said he thought he should stay here and watch the giraffes as they are unpredictable and you never know when they are going to light up their eyes and threaten the street. and how it was nothing at all to do with the rhino as he is very tough but it was about priorities.

I told him it was probably for the best and to hold his position.

Besides I heard the willy wagtails beat him up the other day.

Now don't get me wrong, I still miss Sid sorely.

But Tiger Bobcat is much much more fun.