Sunday, November 10, 2013

My New Clever Chum.

                                                                              So do remember my chum Sid?

 And how we would say jokes to each other like I would say'

" I love you Sid, but I would love you more with Gravy"

And we would laugh and laugh.

And he would say,

"Yeah Rosie and your mother was a poodle. That where you got your  curly hair from."

He was good. Great with reply, retort ,response and return. Wit .
We made great jokes.

And then he died.

I cried and cried for a minute and then I slept on it as the crying really made me tired.

And  Hoom Bruv smooged me and said things would get better.

And I said I didn't see how, so he better smooge me more and he did.

And Pater smooged me and said  it will get better and he even smooged me through the sport on the telly.

And Muv said " Rosie  Sid was great. You need to find a new chum. A different one, so Sid remains special."
So one day there, was all this yelling and hosing out the back and it seems that , what was his name?...........
OH yeah I remember!  Muv said his name was, Effing Manky Moggy. Seem he developed a taste for visiting our yard for native birds. Muv must of thought he was dirty cause she soaked him with the hose. Even when he was showing her how fast he could climb the fence she was still rinsing him off.

So I thought this could be my new witty repartee chum and I yelled out

 "Hey Manky your father was an alley cat."

And he he yelled back ,

"No he wasn't."

What a stupid cat. He didn't know how to play Witty retort. And what is worse he came back again . He must love Muv's baths. This time she gave him a rinse in our old bin that collects water. She was thorough too. Did his face and behind his ears.

And Muv in her kindest way said " If you comeback Effin Moggy I will teach you to swim in the lagoon."
Meanwhile I needed a chum.
And then it happened.  One day when I was  walking along the lagoon I saw them.

Swimming Chooks. I have never seen it before in my life.

 I yelled out , " Hey what kind of chooks are you?"

 And the big  one yelled back,  "What sort of Chihuahua are you?"

 That was a great retort,but it didn't answer my question.

That was too good a response and I know. Chooks arnt that smart, so I  yelled back,    "Are you seagulls?'

And it yelled back "Are you a poodle?'

Well I didn't know what to do after that so I spoke to Hoom Bruv. He said that was not the way to start a  a chumship. And he  gave me a talk on chum making as he is very good at it.  

So he next time I said" Hello My  name is Rosie and I am the Duchess of the Lagoon. And whom might you two be?"

And the big one yelled out "We are the  Muscovies and we have  been dumped here, but it it very lovely and everyone is very nice, but I miss my chum the bush turkey he had an acid whit and was like minded on the environment, politics and poodles ( silly things)"

AND POODLES!!! I couldn't believe. I had found a chum. And so it started.  And we have been mates ever since  He even lets me chase him so I will get fit and he will get fit.

Mrs Muscovy was really quiet especially when they found her without her head. Me and Mr Muscovy looked for it everywhere and she couldn't tell us where it was so what could we  do? .  So some really nice humans took her to a hospital where she is waiting for a transplant. But that will take forever.

Meanwhile Mr Muscovy hangs around some ducks called Felicity.  Yep every  one of them is called Felicity.
That's so he doesn't get mixed up, when he goes out with a different one.

And if you think I can do a great shake look at these.

He is the shaking master.
Next time I will tell you the great plan me and Mr Muscovy have to help keep the lagoon clean

But I have to catch up on sleep.  It is exhausting being a duchess and an author.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

the Duchess's thoughts on the elelection

There has been a very sad event in our house
Mum has spent the day in devastation and mourning
 She blacked out the windows,

put a wreath on the door

And lucky Pater got to her before Muv hit the buy button on ebay.

Seems Gollum got to run the country and Muv and Hoom Sis and the whole family are not happy.

Now it has been emailed to me by a lot of my readers

"Duchess what are your thoughts on this"

And I thought and pondered and this is what I say.

Humans need to learn from hounds about humans.

Hounds live by their senses and their experience.

And this works very well.

So if it looks like a turd.  It is a turd
If it smells like a bum bickie, it is a bum bickie
If it sounds like caca, it is caca
If it tastes like a poo , it is poo
And if it feels like a crap it is crap.

And if is someone is polishing poop it is still poop.


And this is where hounds are even smarter

People think we sleep all day but we dont.

Because we are thinking. We ponder, we ask questions. For example

" Mum said eating the ducklings is bad.  I wonder why?"

And I find out why. Simple. Then I think about it?

We also remember from experience., And if the experience is bad then its bad no matter how much you try and pretty it up.

We don't have to believe what we hear.  We can question and think critically.  This is one of Muvs favourite dead hooms. She said he said so much cool stuff even if he had the morals of an ally cat.

Hounds are caring and compassionate creatures not just for our Hooms but for others.  We think about everyone even poodles.

So next time you have to choose someone to run your country, think like a hound because from the way I see it, thinking like a human isnt working.

So I have to go and think now as I have been awake for 30 minutes.

And Muv is feeling much better once  I showed her the blog.