Saturday, October 22, 2011

Using FOG to train your human

So the other day mum was reading about unhealthy behaviour that others use to get what they want and how to manage it.

Then she went to the shower.

 So I had a look.

And it talked about manipulation and I looked that up and it said
"to adapt or change to suit one's purpose or advantage"

I thought about it  and read some more and that's when I realized its about training your human.

 It said that skilled manipulation uses FOG that is Fear, Guilt and Obligation 
I looked around and couldn't see any.  So I read some more and it seems its something you do in order to get what you want.  The title of the page was toxic people and since the only thing around here that is reasonably toxic is farts I thought this method was safe to use,

So this is how it goes. Say if you want food.  When Dad comes home I  look awful and moan and look at the empty dish.  

I walk really  slowly to the sofa and just flop and do a hurrumph and a whine.

Dad has fear that I am uncomfortable because I am hungry, 

He feels oibliged to feed me because if he doesn't he will feel 

guilty because he isn't being a good hound human,

 This has worked a treat for weeks,

This is legendary stuff as it is getting me heaps. Its worked with Joseph and Patrick  Too easy.  Until I tried it on mum.

"Oh I am starving just wasting a way.  I could die or just fade way and if you really loved me you would feed me.

 But it didnt turn out the way it did with DAD.

And mum looked around and said

"Really Rosie. You are starting to look like a Labrador.  I am frightened you are getting too fat. 

And as your human I am obliged to keep you fit and healthy.

As I would feel so guilty if I let you get unhealthy and you got really really sick.

How about a carrot instead of all those bones Dad has been giving you?

No wonder she was great at her job.  She must of trained at a cattle station as she said she was good at smelling out bull shit. 
I am so misunderstood.  And yep I had the  carrot.

Well onto the next idea.

Friday, October 14, 2011

A message from Sid

G'day.  My name is Sid and I am the blokiest bunny in Macmasters beach.  When I came to live with the Wilmotts, my name was Charcoal.  Mum was really offended by that name.  And she felt sad that as a buck bunny I had a girly name.  So we changed it.  I am named after Sid Viscous. He was a really musical bunny who could pull in the does. That made me happy.

I live in a chook yard with the girls. Luke made the big yard out of a school fence and colour bond roof and he has been my inspiration with building.

Now Mum has a jasmine growing over it to give us that beach tropical holiday feel.
I have my own bunny burrow. and as an owner builder I am very pleased with my work
This is the front door, that leads onto a lounge room , home theater and kitchen/ dining ( which is actually next door)

This is the door that leads to my master suite with en suite, walk in robe and dressing room.
Its a great burrow and very relaxing when I need my "me" time.

I can see you thinking why would the blokiest bunny in all bunny dome need "me time"?

Being the head buck bunny in the hen house is very tiring.

There are always fights over who gets to lay eggs in the nesting box and I have to sort that.

Then there is Dawnie who gets clucky twice a year and thinks I am the father of her imaginary babies. That I can cope with because I love Dawnie and I don't want her to have to go to the mental shed for chooks.

Then there  are the bludging wildlife who think the chook yard is a good lurk for a free feed.

" Hey Sid! got any seed going?"

"Ive told your before you psychedelic sparrow there is nothing here for you now bugger off"


" Come in here Norman and you will be the bloody worm food "

And there are the doves. Thick as two planks. They don't do anything . but sit and look.  I think they know there is food there but they arnt sure how to get it since Doreen took ones nose off.

And there is Rosie's yobbo mates who are ' ooowaahh big hunters" until I yell in my Chopper Reid voice that

"If 'you don't piss  off I will castrate you again and everyone will call you a poodle"

And then there is Rosie. Rosie and I have a love/hate relationship.  I love to wind her up and she hates it.

Sometimes Mum opens the gates and lets the girls out for some grass.
I go out too and I yell

"Hey Rosie I am outside!"

Then I race under the fence next door and down my burrow.                                                                 

 It takes Rosie at least 5 minutes to wake up and then she is off.

And  she

 spends every

waking hour for
DAYS  looking for me.
And then she finds out I have been in the yard all the time.

 The girls and me just laugh and laugh.

But not too much as Mum gets the shits and threatens us all with time out.  Together.

                                                                 Its good Mum takes her walking so she thinks she is a real hunter even if she chases butterflies.


And that's why we love Rosie. She will let a person come in and rob the place, but at least the beach is safe from insects.

That is when she is awake of course.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Rosie Greyhound. Duchess of Macs.: the school holidays

Rosie Greyhound. Duchess of Macs.: the school holidays: So its the school holiday time again and that's the time when all the human pups have time off from obedience school and their trainers g...

the school holidays

So its the school holiday time again and that's the time when all the human pups have time off from obedience school and their trainers get a break too.

And because they aren't at obedience school, they are let out of the kennels a lot more and they all come up to MacMasters Beach with assorted dogs.

And this adds a lot of stress on the locals, because the visitors don't know local dog rules.

And Mum and Dads  pups come up, which means I have to be MORE available for smooges, pats and massages from Joseph.

More walks with Patrick,

and being on standby, just in case Clancy needs help writing. She knows how great my blogs are.

Human pup holidays also means more patrols on the beach and obviously we have to stop more for  pats and Mum telling everyone who asks how great greyhounds are.  I have to do some serious glamour poses.

I have to check more pee mails, leave replies and smell the character of the holiday dogs, so I can leave report for Rex or Clarence who may come after me.

Me and my friends obey all the local rules and  that includes wildlife

 and each other.

Just the other day I had to leave a message to watch out for the mixed breed terrier with the old lady as it will try to take your face off . My face is ok ,but mum let loose on the owner  and said that if it tried to bite my face again, she would use the terrier as a cricket ball and send it to the wicket in the deep blue ocean.

Now I believe mum as she played softball and netball and her dad was a brilliant cricketer. She is very good with bats and balls. Or was it old bats and teenage boys who think they have balls?

Anyway , all this has left me exhausted.

So today just for a rest we went a different way. so mum could see the swans.

And we went through the wetlands to see the big paperbark that had fallen over.

Mum thought this was great, but all I could see was snakes every where. And they were snakes ,not vine and twigs like mum was making out.

And I have no idea what this is.

We were walking along and I was having a great time in the puddles and then I saw them.

And there it was looking at me

And there I was looking at it.

The others didn't see me thank goodness.

I couldn't take my eyes off them.  It was macabre yet fascinating.

What sort of water do they have in Sydney to make these cattle dogs so big.?

This poor bugger had toenails growing out of its head.

Then it got too close and I said to mum
"We can go now'
"Like now  now"
" Really now" 

Later when I was down the lagoon having my swim, I realized how lucky I was to have Mum and Dad who love creatures for themselves.

That's why its good they have me otherwise they might love a cat or heaven forbid a rabbit

"I heard that Rosie!"

Honestly Sid has no sense of humour. I am just so misunderstood.