Saturday, October 30, 2010

Dog School Assessment

So today at dog school it was assessment day to see if Mum remembered all the things she has been taught.

And I have to say that me and mum did JUST about everything they wanted us to do.

With a few exceptions.  

They wanted me to get in the car and sit while mum took off my lead.
And I did.
Then they wanted me to wait patiently whilst mum re opened the car door put my lead on .
And I did.
Then they wanted me to hop out of the car and sit whilst mum closed the door.
And mum said
'"Its a hot day.  Do you really expect a dog to put its butt on hot asphalt ? Rosie is standing here quietly"
They did agree that Mum had a point.
I just thought "OH DER!" It wasn't their bum they wanted to burn.

Then they wanted me to "sit and stay".  Now as you and especially mum can appreciate, sitting isn't natural to greyhounds, and since I had  done the  "walk/sit" , "walk /stop/ sit" and then "down".

THEN "sit /waiting"  for mum to go through a gate, then walk through the gate and "sit",   my back had had enough  and even though greyhounds have a flexible spine we are not contortionists.

So I dropped down like this.
But NO that wasn't good enough!   
I had to sit.
And to be frank neither my heart nor mums heart was in it as greyhounds are not tailored to sit.
And I was doing the "down and stay".   I was "down" and waiting quietly for mum to walk away and then come back and give me food.

On the  fourth try  I did sit  but it was hot and we were in a paddock and I had enough so I  dropped down half way through mum coming back. We got through 75% of the task with me sitting.

I figured that I had done everything so it shouldn't be a big deal. And neither did mum and she said

" I am not going to make her sit any more. She is down and quiet."

Now this made very good sense to me.

Me and mum figured that 99.75 was a very good pass.

Then when they said they were going to hand out the graduation certificates,  the examiner came up and told mum that we had failed because I didn't "sit/stay", I only did "down /stay"

They said we could come back for more lessons,  but we would have to do the whole assessment again, not just the one bit.  And I would be in Topsy's class.

Now Topsy is a very shy hound who isn't as confident as me. Mum and me looked over to where she was and the trainer was pushing on her butt making her sit.

And you know what ...........up until today I have never seen Mum cry cause she was so angry.
She said
"Greyhounds are not made to sit!"

She grabbed me , her bag and we jumped in the car.

And on the way home She was calling them
"dog Nazi's", said they 
"suffered from breed ism" and that it was
'typical of that type of person who works well in an institution that caters for the masses and not the individual" and  
"we are never never going there as they will compel me to sit when its not natural" and
"its like making mum stand on her head"

She used all sorts adjectives or was it expletives to describe their attitude.  Her ears went red and  her eyes watered. She said that it wasn't that we failed,  but why and then unreasonableness of it all.

And how dare that woman say that standing in a paddock in the middle of the day is good for me so I can socialize with other dogs when the cow doesn't know about our Macs dogs and owners who we meet at the beach.

I said to mum that she should have told them how I caught two waves this week in the surf,  but mum said that she think the waves  caught me...........

HOWEVER it would be wasted breath on that sort of person and she would only be accused of living vicariously through the achievements of a gifted hound.
I tell you I have never seen Mum so outraged

It was the longest 5 minute drive I have ever had.

When we got home we went down the beach.

And mum said that between the magical restorative powers of the sea......................

And the lagoon, she came to her senses.

Plus a healthy dose of bagpipe, rock , pop and classical music has calmed her down.

After all she said

"Doesn't need a certificate to tell us that I am the best greyhound bitch in Macmasters Beach".

And I don't need one to tell me she is the best crazy old one.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Breeding cockatiels

So . You know how I told you that Baldy wanted to be a mother and that she and Peter have been nesting.

And that Peter is as thick as 2 poodles and when he did figure out what he was supposed to do,  he was sexing every part of  Baldys wings instead of the obvious bit,  cause he is so hopeless.

   Well Baldy went and laid three eggs. Can you believe  it!! We are all flabbergasted!!!!!                                           

They have both gone psycho!!!!

 They take it in turns sitting on the nest but Peter is a flipping idiot.  He doesn't even bother to see who is in the room before he attacks. He has attacked Mum, Patrick and the telstra man who came to check the internet.

He even attacked Patrick when he was playing the flute!
What did he think the flute was?   A   stiff musical snake.

Then he screeches till he gets let out and he wants love and scratches.
I tell you.  We thought we would have peace. but its all mad.
And have you ever seen a baby cockateil?
    Mum showed me this picture to prepare me.
I am now offically sick. Somethings just shouldnt breed.
Thank goodness me and mum have the beach to escape to.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Death and Difficulty

First of all I have some very very sad news.

Lavender died.

  That's all.
Now back to me.

You know how I am allowed on the verandah by myself because I didn't know how to climb down steps.

Well guess what?

I taught myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I can go up and down.

I didn't tell the humans as I wanted it to be a surprise. 


I walked along the street.

I walked down to the lagoon

And then I walked up the street and the neighbour  found me and brought me home.

  Mum wasn't amused at all.

Go figure!  I would have thought that self directed, self motivated, independent learning would have impressed her.!
Well it did, but she said it was the nicking off that didn't..

And she said it was very clever being able to walk down into the garage but she didn't believe me when i said it was to check the washing in the dryer.

So you know what they did? They have put up a huge overwhelming barrier in front of the steps and I cant get past it.

And to add to my humiliation they put another one in  front of the other steps. And its bright orange!

I cant get past either of  them. I just walk up to them and cant move them.

I now know how the East Germans felt when the wall went up.

I have sulked, hurrumphed and done some of my really best sad faces.
I considered howling but that is really so beneath me.

I said to Mum
"I am like a Princess in a tower.  You know I have the pedigree."
 Mum agreed and  said I was even more Royal.
She said I was,  a Drama Queen.

I knew I had a good pedigree!!!!!


And thats when I realised that I needed to stay on the verandah because if I wandered off I could be abducted and mum and dad havent the millions for a ransom.