Saturday, May 12, 2012

We are back

I am not very happy.  I have just written a blog and lost the bloody lot.

I have not been able to write much lately as mum and dad have been preoccupied and mum hasnt been travelling too well.

See what I mean

So it been up to me to look after the chooks

Guard the house from the blue tongue human eating lizard

that was in front of our house.

And make sure that the sofa  was in good order
 and mum and dads bed was arranged so it was comfy

sort out the sheeting on the office sofa

And finally the spare bed,

I had to smooge Joseph so he could sleep at night

Keep man eye on all the birds that come into the garden. All of them are fighting at the moment.

And my only relaxation was having staring contest with flys in my tail.  Of which I always one.

However Mum and dad went to sydney and when they came back they were happy

 And Joseph is happy
 And Patrick is happy

And Clancy is happy
 Dad is happy

And mum is back to normal.

Even better they feel so guilty for neglecting me I am getting scratches and smooches and treats.  I think I will give them a week before they can stop

Saturday, March 24, 2012

My new Friend

So I have a new friend.  Well a passer by new friend. We pass by his house when we go walking and he sort of lives opposite us.

First time I met him I said 'Hi, I'm Rosie the Duchess of Macs and he said

"Bugger off I am hunting"

And I said
What do you like to hunt?
And he said
"Mice, rats and rabbits and foxes "

And I said

"Me too. Hows that?'

And then he said,  water buffalo, pythons , gazelles and razorbacks.

And I thought that was interesting

And  then he said "Shhhhh you will frighten the legless  wooden giraffes that I am stalking" Can you see them.? They are all over the street."

The legless grey wooden giraffe?


And that's when it occurred to me that there wasn't something quite right with Tiger Bobcat  as he was stalking light poles.

Later on down the beach I caught up with a few chums and it seems that Tiger Bobcat really thinks he is a tiger.

Seems that when he was kitten they were watching an African animal documentary, when the remote fell on his head and he has never been right since.

Another day we are walking passed and I yell "Hi Tiger Bob! What you hunting today?"

And there is Tiger bob under the car.
"Rosie! Shut up! You are wrecking my fierceness! AND if you cant see it  and it kills you, then you only have yourself to blame.  I spent all last night wrestling it and I have only half killed !"

You know what it was?

It is the Bouddi Chameleon, Grass snake.  Can grow up to 30 meters.  Not poisonous, however does spray fluid as its defence mechanism which is like battery acid to cats.

And then there were the great White bogan gorillas that had wandered out of the jungle
and had some sort of ritual up and down the beach all night but only do it once or twice a year.

Can you see where we are heading here?

It was easy for me.

On the way home he yells,
"Hey Duchess what did you catch today"

And I would yell
"A 20 meter man eating squid.  Me and Gin and Tonic ( the tenacious Jack Russells ) got it and then Rex came in and got its throat whilst Clarence slept.  But its all over the beach now and the birds are eating it.

Another time I he asked me about the whirring bid that flew over that  threatened life and limb at the lagoon.

I told him how me and Gin and Tonic swum out, wrestled it to the death and then dragged it up to the beach and then Gin and Tonic buried it for laters.

Now  based on the fearsome warriors that me and Gin and Tonic are , Tiger Bob decided that he should come down and and help us fight the monsters for the good of the neighbourhood, but he had to clear up one thing first.

"Hey Rosie, I heard you played with a poodle."

Will this ever leave me alone.?

Once I met a poodle called Candice. I was just out of the kennels and I had never seen anything like it.

So I yelled back across the road to Tiger Bob
"It wasn't a poodle it was a curly haired hornless rhinoceros that was threatening to gouge out all the cats as it liked to eat them on toast for breakfast. It takes ages for me and Gin and Tonic just to chase them off the beach. And they leave the beach because we tell them there are cats in the streets. And we have to swim in water to chase them.

So the next time me and mum were going down the beach I yelled
"Hey Tiger Bob are you coming hunting? I hear there is a white curly haired rhino down the beach."

And he said he thought he should stay here and watch the giraffes as they are unpredictable and you never know when they are going to light up their eyes and threaten the street. and how it was nothing at all to do with the rhino as he is very tough but it was about priorities.

I told him it was probably for the best and to hold his position.

Besides I heard the willy wagtails beat him up the other day.

Now don't get me wrong, I still miss Sid sorely.

But Tiger Bobcat is much much more fun.



Sunday, February 26, 2012

Life goes on without Sid



Bored and lonely. Since Sid has gone its too quiet.

The beach is the same every day. 

The lagoon emptied out, but apart from some very exciting bird spotting which has mum off her dial, there is nothing to stimulate my mind.

I have my chum Simbah, but he is more a chum by his attachment disorder rather than a meeting of the minds.

And Tyson who is mad keen on running and thus we do fitness together. And he has a dam, so  you dont get pelican itch,

 My best mates down the  beach are Gin and Tonic.  I thought their names were Jack and Russell, but Mum said that was their breed and according to me a breed is anything that isn't a hound. I am sure I have told you about them but if I havent.  This is Gin and Tonic.

Gin and Tonic are fearless and fearsome.  They are so brave and so cool.  I stand in awe of their awesomeness.  They have  no issue about size and are ruthless in their pursuits.

Like I will say, " Lets go for a surf!"

 But Gin goes,

"Nah. Cant Rosie. Going fishing. The tide is emptying water into the lagoon and you never know when a great white might spill in.  Been waiting for years to catch one of those buggers.  Sick of bream and mullet."

And off he goes.  Now you cant see him in this photo cause he is just a speck, but he swims for ages and ages. He knows what a great white shark is, but it doesn't frighten him.  He just swims and swims and barks.  Its like he is daring the damned thing to come in. I just stand horrified that one might come in and horrified one wont as he will not stop.

And then Tonic goes 'What was that?

And starts digging

When I catch up I ask what's there? And I am told
"There is a distinct possibility of the Mutant Eastern Sand python.
Sneaky devils. They are about  20 meters long and 2 meters wide."
"How deep do you have to dig?"  says me
"About 5 meters as they sleep vertical , 5 meters under the sand.

Five meters! I cant even do a haffa! She said did I want to help as it would be so much fun and when we got this python the best bit will be wrestling it.

But I passed.  

I decided a little dermabrasion in the sand for fine lines would be better. Besides the digging would wreck my nails.

And I left Tonic digging. Tonic's human has a long rope attached to the collars so if she goes down too far he can pull her out.  I think to date she has found about 5 deflated balloons and a beer bottle.

Then they both came back for a breather and Gin said
"Hey Rosie. We heard your hanging around poodles."


 Geez how DO these stories get around?

OK this is it .  Once I met a poodle. I didn't know what it was.  I thought it was a weird kind of sheep.  I didn't understand a word she barked as she was French. That's it.  Over.  

Sometimes I wonder what it is like to be Gin and Tonic with their fearsomeness and fearlessness and their tenacity.

Maybe I should be more like them.

But then I wonder who would dazzle people on behalf of the hound with athletic-ness and beauty.


As well as being the self appointed model of hound bling.

No better to leave those things to the Russells  as no one could ever match them and I will do what I do best.

Sleep and look beautiful